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Legend
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last edited
by Sweeten101 14 years, 10 months ago
When comes
The breath of life
He stirs
Waking, aching
And then a yell
Sounds in the night
Leaving the boy
To ponder, ponder
The battle goes on
Surrounding him
Legend in the making
Crying, dying
Boots come at the boy
Hands lift him
Gently cradling
Rocking, rocking
The Legend survives.
Legend
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Comments (8)
Sweeten101 said
at 5:52 pm on Feb 11, 2010
hahahahahaha. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself
Volkes_Wagon said
at 5:54 pm on Feb 11, 2010
OMG ITS MOSES okay no i have no idea if that's true. but whatever. cool.
i'd like it better if, instead of "surrounding the boy", it was "surrounding him".
Sweeten101 said
at 8:22 pm on Feb 11, 2010
thx
i have no idea who its about.
if u want it can b about moses
Volkes_Wagon said
at 11:50 pm on Feb 11, 2010
ahh, rereading it again i'm starting to like "ponder, wonder" or "wonder, ponder" better. i really should stop criticizing this, huh. they're all small things. but it's always the small things that annoy the heck out of me. *gasp, realization. am i...a perfectionist!!?? *shock
Mokona Go said
at 9:07 am on Feb 12, 2010
no, criticism is good.
Sweeten101 said
at 5:54 pm on Mar 21, 2010
internal rhyme
Volkes_Wagon said
at 8:43 pm on Mar 21, 2010
...hum...it feels more like a refrain, but that works too.
Sweeten101 said
at 8:54 pm on Mar 21, 2010
waking aching
crying dying
and i dont have to do refrain
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